Living the dream

Look at that. Nearly one thousand months since I've updated this bitch. Well done me.

The good news is I'm trying again. The bad news is I 'try again' like every two weeks and since I hadn't done anything since December I feel like that's pretty telling in how well my 'try again' bursts go. 

I got new bookcases to make my office look classier. I was using old shelving pieces along side those plastic file cabinets to build a fake bookcase. Which was prone to making getting anything off the shelf or out of the file really difficult. 

What I am most excited about is my new Alphasmart. But I'm going to go in a roundabout way of telling you about it. 

I spotted this 'Hemingwrite' thing on Kickstarter and got super excited because it combined two delightful things. Typewriters, which I love because I am hipster trash, and digital files! Which I love even more than typewriters because retyping shit is a real bitch especially since I don't have some kind of handy 'paper prop' to hold stuff up when I'm transcribing it into something usable.

Which basically means whenever I type something on a typewriter it gets stuffed into one of those file boxes which serves as a bookcase and I never ever see it again. 

So the Hemingwrite, which not only can store files for transfer, but has WiFi that you can use to transfer. No cables! Magic! Oh sweet mercy it's the future! I was so immensely pumped.

I was less pumped when I found that it would not be available for use until Sept 2015.

I was even less pumped about the 350$ price tag. Which I'm pretty sure included the 'early bird' discount. 

I don't think it's necessarily an unreasonable price. It's just a high enough price that I can't really justify it to myself for purchasing. 

So I had to wave a tearful farewell to the Hemingwrite and console myself in supporting the Kickstarter and hoping that when I because financially fiscal enough, I would pull the trigger. 

But some internet perusing introduced me to a set of typing instruments called 'Alphasmarts' that were intended to be used at schools to help students with their typing. They're basically just a keyboard, a small screen that shows a few lines of text, and, oh yeah, you can transfer your files to the computer. (with a wire, and it's a pretty slow process. But not so slow that I hate it)

Also they're not more than 30 bucks on ebay.

Holy sheet. I jumped all over that bitch.

There are a limited number of 'pages' you can store. I believe each file can hold 25 pages which is like 9000 words, and there are eight available files. So the size isn't limitless, but I also seriously doubt I could write 72,000 words without meeting a computer at some point. 

The battery life appears to be amazing, I'm about to take it on a trip, so I'll put that to an official test. But it runs on three AA batteries which is a little dated, but also supremely easy to come by unless you live in the middle of the ocean on a derelict raft.

Most importantly, (for me) is that it doesn't connect to the damn internet. It's one thing to sit down on my computer and decide to start writing, and it's another thing entirely to stop myself from promptly opening up sixty-three different tabs and never getting anything done. 

This has no other screen. This has just writing, or staring at a green keyboard. It's awesome. 

Also I can now sit/lay/pretzel into any kind of weird position I want and still use it. Because it's super light.

And, super mega thunder bonus. Whoever used it last left their writing on it and I am now the proud owner of one piece of poetry about self-love, one non-fiction narrative about someone getting a forklift through their foot, and three chapters of an original piece where the protagonist is really good at hunting and is trying to bulk up their stores for the winter. In one day they caught six rabbits, 5 birds, a deer, and a bear.

Basically this is the best purchase of my life. 

Updates!

Okay, I've got some kind of Who fever, despite my lukewarm acceptance of the new season that still includes Clara.

I'm sorry for all the Clara lovers in the world. It's not that I hate Clara really, it's I hate how they've written her. Egotistical control freak? Really? YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THINGS AND EXPECT ME TO GET ON BOARD WITH THAT. I'm also having a hard time hearing her lines as 'Clara' instead of the writer that said 'Listen to this funny line, isn't this clever'

Ugh. Anyway. That is not what I'm here for. 

Updating fanfic! Which is, technically not at all on board with my spreadsheet goal, (which is still going great so far) but was officially for 'original fiction' projects. And yet writing is writing, so I'm not going to beat myself up too badly for doing it. 

I did notice that it's been over two years since I've started the Gallifreyan, which is terrifying. And then, on further inspection, it looks like of 41 chapters so far, I wrote THIRTY THREE of then in 2012. And then seven in 2013. 

And now one in 2014.

In my defense, I also wrote sixty one chapters for my other story in a shorter amount of time. 

But that isn't a great defense since I should, you know, be consistent with where my effort is going. 

So anyway, I've written a new chapter, a new chapter and a half I think, but they both need editing. And then I've updated the first two chapters from way back in 2012 because I'm at least hoping I've improved since then, and I seem to have some sick obsession with editing. 

So here we are. I'm not dead. I'm about to post an update in the next few hours, and I feel optimistic about the likelihood for another update within the week. 

Also, Papa Johns delivers hot brownies. Just thought it was something you should know. 

I'm going to eat staples until something good happens

Okay. So, I have...fallen drastically off track.

Again. So that's pretty par for the course. And oh look- I haven't updated this fucker since 2012. Wow. Way to go.

Well. My writing has been crap in the productivity department. As you can likely see from my previous TWO YEAR OLD post. Anyway. It's been frustrating, because it's not really any particular obstacle in my way. Just myself, being miserable and cranky. It generally goes as follows.

Sit down to do the thing.

Check email.

Click bing 30 times to manipulate it into giving me free gift cards.

Check other email.

Open scrivener file.

Chew finger while reading last few sentences.

Get distracted by hangnail

Cut off hangnail 

Decide to check tumblr.

Get progressively lost there.

Go back to scrivener file.

Realize I have no music, go to music player

Research epic movie soundtracks for an hour

Download epic movie soundtracks

Listen to see if it has my approval

Check email again

Check job postings, since I really ought to be doing that

Open a few that I could sorta qualify for

Chicken out and refuse to send in application

Finally do some writing

Have to research signs of concussion, spend 15 minutes doing that

Check tumblr

Go get some water and M&Ms

Read four pages of a book I told myself I'd read three weeks ago

Look at scrivener file

Write vague notes about something that might happen at the end of hypothetical book 2

Text friend

Realize it's almost 11 and I should be a responsible person and go to sleep at reasonable time

Give myself the last 12 minutes before 11 to actually write

Mostly write, but also get distracted

IT'S. IN. SANE. I'm insane. I've completely fallen off the wagon. And I'm no where nearer my hopes and dreams of writing an actual polished and more importantly COMPLETE novel. 

But apparently I like spreadsheets. So god dammit. I'm going to make a spreadsheet. And I'm going to have that polished, tidy, and compleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeete manuscript by my 30th birthday. Which is exactly 395 days from now. 

Before I allowed myself to create the spreadsheet, I made myself write 500 words, so that was a minor victory. 

I've got a fake-ish outline of chapters, and using that to estimate that overall word count + 3 drafts, is going to equal about 200,000 words. It's a rough estimate, and I mean, it could be really rough. But at least it's something. Because apparently I'm incapable of being productive unless I have a fucking excel spreadsheet telling me what to do.

I even made it so it'll highlight days where I wrote over 550 words in green, and days under 500 in red. Green good. Red baaaaaaaaad. 

So help me, this better work, of I'm going to have a total mental meltdown in about 400 days. 

It's not going to be pretty.

Edit: PS I did write those damn million words. Here's your proof 

Holy Frijole!

So. This happened like a week ago, but then I was in decompression mode. So I didn't feel like updating the glory of my accomplishments. But I finished a story!

It clocked in at like 120,000 words. Which is freakishly larger than my first story that stopped at 40K. What the hell. What the hell. 

It got out of hand. Seriously insanely out of hand. Which makes my other story seem like it will be equally demented and long. Not especially looking forward to the thought of that.

I thought I'd just power through the end of Starlight, so I could get that one off my plate, and just focus on two projects. The powering did happen, but going at it that way just kind of made me crazy and now my other two projects have now been neglected for over two weeks. Which isn't the end of the world, but maybe I was just a little over optimistic with my limits. 

So. I've been 'decompressing' this week. Which means I've been writing about all sorts of other things that I don't have people waiting to read. Which means that anything with a deadline has fallen tragically far behind.

Ah well. We all slip up from time to time. 

My June has been going much better than April, or May for that matter. Which is a relief. I thought maybe I had broken my 'goal meeting' mentality and would just slip further and further behind. In fact, all I have to do for the rest of the month is write two thousand words and I'll meet my goals. That's much more reassuring than last month on the 30th thinking about having to write almost 10k in a day. 

I'm at 660,000 right now, well past the half way point, with 700,000 in my sights. Which is really exciting. I'm already scouring the internet for the uber fancy wine I'm going to drink when I hit one million. Is that counting my chickens before they hatch? Technically. But dammit, I'm excited. Six months ago I didn't have any kind of plan whatsoever. I had a few spreadsheets where I had been monitoring my writing progress for no real reason. 

And now? Goals! Like a grown up! Granted, these goals are totally arbitrary and the only thing I'm gaining from them is most likely the wine I get to drink at the end. But STILL! I like to think that after one million words my writing will have improved, after all, that was the original idea. But even if it hasn't, and I'm still just an incredible hack. Dammit. I will have accomplished something! That's totally rad! 

In my feeble little world it is anyway. 

And that's where I'm at. I still haven't gotten back on track for updating things that I should be. But I'm not overly concerned about it. Breaks are healthy. Even if you end up doing the same thing you do when you're not on a break...

Oh May

May did not go as planned. Things were looking really quite solid, and then I had several crap days in a row where I did some writing, but not nearly enough. And then those crap days were followed by crap 'working' days. In which I sat down, said 'listen here toots. Your gonna get those words down, and you're going to get a lot of them.'

Aaaand even those days, despite my best efforts, were pretty mediocre. So in conclusion, I finished my first month actually behind my word goals. Which, despite being plenty ahead in the overall scheme, was incredibly disappointing. I felt like a failure. I sat at my computer the last day, still convinced I could get those nine thousand words I needed to catch up.

I did not. 

Lame. Lame lame lame. 

Jerk Jiminy has lost his magic. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Blame the figurine on my desk with the paper eyebrows. It's only fair. 

I have been working (not writing, the bill paying kind of work) substantially more than I was before, so I could say that's an excuse. But really, there's plenty of time that I knew I could have been writing, and instead I'd have the laptop out and feel kind of uninspired and just turn the TV on. Sure, I got some words down, which is more than I would have had I not had the laptop out at all. But in all likelihood, if I had just ignored the urge of the boob tube, and the infinitely more dangerous internet (Dun dun DUUUUUN!). I probably would have gotten more words down. 

That being said, things are still getting done. I'm about to wrap up my 'Starlight' fic, which will be a huge relief, because well, currently, I'm working consistently on three stories (four if you count the attention I've been giving my Fallout story. I've updated one chapter in 5 months. So, no, I haven't been counting it).

It's been my cheat way to keep myself writing so far. You don't feel like writing in that particular story today? Okay, no problem. But you've got two others you can be working on, so don't think you can waste your whole day on video games (which sometimes I do anyway), now get cracking!

But it is a challenge, because I feel my brain being stretched out like a long noodle. I start to see patterns that I'm not sure if they're just themes I'm working with, or if they're things I've accidentally been copying from one story to the other. Are all of my characters blending until they're each and every one of them a carbon copy of the other? These are the fears that keep me up at night (that's a lie. Lol cats keep me up at night. Mostly because I'm on the internet browsing them. Serious. Internet = Crack. Also cracked.com = crack)

So it will be nice to get back to a smaller number of projects. For a few weeks at least. I have a friend who says she wants to get serious about the writing thing, and would like to collaborate on something. I'm having a fabulous time with my current co-writing project, so that's already a positive. But this in person collaboration may involve drinking. And what can I say, that sounds pretty awesome.

It also may involve werewolves. I don't know how I feel about that. Mostly because I never got into werewolves. So, that could be interesting. 

I also have my novel that has been sitting on my desk, glaring at me. For a good six or so months. Hey buddy, no, I haven't forgotten you. But I remembered what a flawed creature you are when I started to read you, and really, the writing part was the fun bit. Editing? Not so much. So I'll just let you simmer there for a while. You know. Longer. So then I can feel even more guilty.

I have officially crossed the 600,000 word mark! Woohoo!!

That's enough celebration. Remember, I'm supposed to be drowning in my oppressive guilt. All the time. 

Also, a couple of my reviewers figured out who I was aiming to describe with my 'new' character, and it pleased me to no end. I didn't want to come out and say THIS IS WHO YOU SHOULD BE PICTURING. ARE YOU PICTURING THEM NOW? GOOD. Because that feels a bit...obnoxious. Even though it was really really tempting to do so.

But it is always nice to know that some people are on the same page as me or that people are watching way too much damn British television, like myself or maybe I'm getting better at descriptions?

As to the others, more power to them. I think I might not address it anyway, because I always hate it when the movies ruin the image of the people I've built up in my head after reading a book. I don't think I can even remember what I used to think the Harry Potter folk looked like. I feel like I saw the first movie, and the only one I thought was suitable was Hermione (the only one who's name I had slaughtered in my head. Well, okay, and I read Sirius wrong for a long while too. You know names, you just kind of...breeze past them. No? Just me then? Alright) But at this point, those movie folk are so ingrained in my head, it's impossible for me to think of them as anyone else.

So I'd kind of hate to be that person who then came in after the fact to smash all those imagined characters. 

Additionally, and on a completely different train of thought. I love my typewriter. I don't use it all that often, but when I get the hankering. Jesus, nothing else is quite like it. I feel like I'm god damn Hemingway and I should have a flask of booze and a cigarette hanging out of my mouth.

Fortunately, I don't need either of those things to actually exist for me to feel that way. I just feel like a mega bad ass.

That's not to say I would bludgeon someone to death if they tried to take away my computer. But I'd probably bludgeon them with something other than the typewriter.

More projects that should be increasing my word count!

So me and my internet twin, Sarbrook, have finally moved forward on our new Doctor Who project! It's officially posted!

The Hollow Man

I can already tell you're excited. We've finally pushed through the last of the edits, and phew, I had forgotten how tiring editing large chunks of text were. We went back and forth a couple of times, and I realized on my third time through, that I had really run out of steam at the end and missed things, so I tried extra hard to be diligent. 

It's funny to see what you miss when you're only editing yourself, even if you're looking extra careful. I had left behind a random mime comment (that didn't make sense without the stuff I had cut) I had forgotten the Doctor wasn't wearing shoes. Fresh set of eyes are always good.

Also, I learned a new grammar rule! It was somewhat embarrassing that I didn't know it, similar to the time that I heard about the fifth ocean and was like...what? (shut up, they only officially declared the Southern Ocean real in the year 2000 and I was completely past the learning oceans and continents part of my life at that point)

So, to sum up. Co-writing has been incredibly beneficial to me.

And yet, I'm still tragically behind on my word count. I think I have to get out like 20,000 words in the next couple days to make my month. It's not impossible, it's just...ugh. It seems impossible right now. But if I manage that, than I've made it to the 600,000 mark. So maybe I should do it, just for small rewards sake.

Also, there's a 'nerd' bar crawl coming up. And I sort of just bought this. 

Which sort of means I have to add a bow tie, a jacket of some sort, and possibly a fez. Right? RIGHT??? I have converse, but that's mixing the Doctors. is that okay?? What are the answers to these questions!!

Okay, so it's not halloween. But, it is a nerdy bar crawl. And nothing screams nerdy like Doctor Who.

I need to make this happen. 

So much for making that word count. 

Never mind, I found the Doctor's boots. $800 isn't too much for one night of drinking...right?

Yeah, I'll skip these. For now. 

Although I'm finding things similar more reasonably priced....God damn the internet is a dangerous place.

I thought this was just wonderful.

Letters of Note: It will be sunny one day

Keep on keeping on

Some weeks it's just like ripping off a band aid. But instead of doing it the way everyone tells me to, and just getting it over with quick, I'm peeling it slow so I can feel the painful tug of every little translucent hair as it yanks on my skin.

I blame my own special brand of procrastination. The one where everything other than writing seems like a good idea. (Portal 2 was totally worth it though) I did finally pull myself up by the teeth and finish April above my word count. By two thousand words, which is kind of hilarious when compared to previous months of beating it by about thirty thousand.

I was ahead this month, until the 13th, and then I dropped, and dropped, and then I rallied and I was so close to catching up, and then I dropped again. I've only had the one day of absolutely zero words, which is actually around the same time in April that I had three in a row. So maybe that's progress? Granted, there are days when I write 300 and that's, well...really nothing at all, so I could almost count that as a zero. But the fact remains that I did sit down and make some effort to write, so my inner cheerleader tells me I have to count even the baby steps. 

I'm at 569 and change, so still at the half way point. It's funny how much slower it seems to go when you don't write a hundred thousand words in a month. :P Oh the horror. 

I am still enjoying the writing when I do actually get into the rhythm. Still interested in my characters and plot. I am juggling three now, instead of just two, so the updates on chapters is slowing down, but I kind of expected that. 

Really, I wish I were craftier, and I would just hold on to updates, even when I'm getting them done quickly, and put them out once a week, so it wouldn't seem like such a long wait when I put out two in a week, and then wait another week and a half to get another one out. But I'm not patient at all, so that well crafted plan goes completely out the window every time I'm done proof reading a chapter.

Should I wait? I could wait. If I wait it'll...naw screw it. Posted.

Story of my life.

I missed the solar eclipse because it was cloudy. So that was an utter disappointment. It wasn't going to be 'total' (or ring of fire anyway)in my neck of the woods, but it was going to be impressively close, which would have been plenty good enough for me. I guess that's just mother nature sparing me the oracular damage that I was probably going to receive if the clouds haven't been there. 

"Don't look at the eclipse!" "Don't look at the sun!" "view it through a pinhole camera!"

Pfft. Please. The fastest way to get me to do something is to tell me not to do it.(note to self. Don't write) Plus, epic alignment of moon and sun? You bet your boots I'll snatch a look. I like to think I'll save my permanent blindness for a full eclipse, because that'll be totally worth it. But again, there's my serious lack of patience to consider, and if the clouds hadn't been there, I probably would have pondered the likelihood of me actually getting to see a total eclipse and then saying "Screw it, I'm looking while I have the chance."

I tend to say 'screw it' a lot when it's something I know I shouldn't be doing, but have no real valid reason that I want to. I should probably get that looked at.

And if you haven't seen this. Well, you should.

Further signs of insanity

So, I went from listening to the Silent Hill soundtracks to flat out Halloween effects cds. You know, favorite tracks like. Eerie sound scape Music Bed. Or, a classic. Spooky forest sound effect.

For the record, I'm not writing anything scary.

Seriously, the things that are wrong with me.  The list is too long to properly get in to.

I just read volume 1 of American Vampire. Looooooved it. Then immediately put volume 2, 3, and pre-ordered 4 in my cart. Then realized that I shouldn't just impulsively buy things for fun. I need things like new sneakers, and food. 

So I started rereading sandman again, because I do own all of those. (in a similarly staged impulsive decision of MUST HAVE ALL THE THINGS)

But that screen with those items in my shopping cart is still open on my computer...

Still waiting...

And then there's the walking dead compendium that I resisted purchasing....

God dammit. Internet shopping is dangerous. Really, really dangerous.

I did catch up on my writing goal yesterday, so that I was officially on track for April. Haven't managed it yet today. Humph. We'll see.

Halfway!

So I have officially made it to the halfway mark! Actually, I probably did that a few days ago, week ago? I have no idea. Instead of using my spreadsheet I was writing numbers down on, drum roll please....POST ITS.

Yeah. I don't know what my problem is either.

Regardless, I have gotten everything transferred over to the excel and the post-it is back in the trash... Until I start using a new one. Maybe I should just hide all of my post its. But that would be admitting I have a problem, which I'm refusing to do. They're so quaint! And handy! Isn't that marvelous?

The good news is that I made it halfway. The bad news? Holy mother of god, April is a train wreck. Not just a 'someone left a cow on the rail and it shattered, raining down cow guts on everyone nearby' 

No.

This is 'someone left a tank on the rails. The tank moved a foot, but the train, and all the cars behind it, piled up into a zigzag shape of doom and then turned into a ball of fire. Raining destruction, and cow guts (from car 11) down on everyone within the county.'

Yeah. That's the kind of train wreck I'm talking about. The serious business kind.

 Exhibit A: Where you see the slow and steady blue of what I'm supposed to be doing. And then compare it with the red jagged line of failure that I'm actually doing. Hmm..

Disappointing sums it up pretty good. 

I haven't actually been doing nothing. I mean, I'm making progress on notes for that collaboration that I'm still pumped about and is looking more and more awesome. I learned that I was capable of fleshing out an outline, which was kind of exciting. It was more work than I was really happy about, but I did do it, and I feel like it's a useful skill set, even if I just scowl the next time I think about doing one.

I also wrote a crap ton of letters.

Well. Four. But still. For someone who only communicates via facebook or text most of the time, I feel like it's a crap ton. Real paper, stamps. The whole business. 

Wanted to have those count toward my word totals for the month, just because it looks so abysmal. And yet, if I was counting all the rambling I do on a regular basis... I feel like I would have already hit the million. Possibly twice. So I didn't. Bummer.

I also printed off my whole novel (sorry trees) because I've left it since December so I feel like I can look at it with fresh eyes. 

Unfortunately, that means that the epic winding together of two tales is registering as... not very epic, and more...maybe not quite annoying, But something very similar. It's looking like it needs to be two separate stories. Which bums me out. Because, I mean, what if no one wants to hear about the first story? Then what? I guess I polish up the second one anyway. Because I still want to tell them both. 

Ah well. 

I also found out fewer people knew about Neil Gaiman than I thought. Which is weird in my head. It's like hearing about someone not knowing who Stephen King is. In my head, anyway.

And then I realized that Mr. Gaiman's bibliography of adult fiction books totals six (of which I've read 3). Where Mr. King's totals....Jesus christ man. Wikipedia says 49 (of which I've read maybe 6?)

Jesus. Christ. 

Anyway. Apparently, they're not the same, or even in the same league(numbers wise. I'm not making any kind of talent argument here) But I've just been living under the illusion that they were. 

Because, completely unbeknownst to me, I've been harboring this secret author fangirl-ism.

Possibly because of Sandman? I don't know. It's hard to tell what I like and why I like it. Especially when it's been a secret in my own head.

Speaking of creepy spooky things. Well, we weren't really. But in my head. Well, you know how things connect in random spiderweb like patterns of nonsense in my head.

Anyway. 

Been listening to a bunch of Silent Hill soundtracks. The vocal songs, are pretty sappy. But the pure instrumental? Boy. Unsettling. I don't know that it's helping my writing any, but it's creepy and delightful. So I got that going for me.

On to redeeming my entire month of April in the next four days! Huzzah!