Holy Frijole!

So. This happened like a week ago, but then I was in decompression mode. So I didn't feel like updating the glory of my accomplishments. But I finished a story!

It clocked in at like 120,000 words. Which is freakishly larger than my first story that stopped at 40K. What the hell. What the hell. 

It got out of hand. Seriously insanely out of hand. Which makes my other story seem like it will be equally demented and long. Not especially looking forward to the thought of that.

I thought I'd just power through the end of Starlight, so I could get that one off my plate, and just focus on two projects. The powering did happen, but going at it that way just kind of made me crazy and now my other two projects have now been neglected for over two weeks. Which isn't the end of the world, but maybe I was just a little over optimistic with my limits. 

So. I've been 'decompressing' this week. Which means I've been writing about all sorts of other things that I don't have people waiting to read. Which means that anything with a deadline has fallen tragically far behind.

Ah well. We all slip up from time to time. 

My June has been going much better than April, or May for that matter. Which is a relief. I thought maybe I had broken my 'goal meeting' mentality and would just slip further and further behind. In fact, all I have to do for the rest of the month is write two thousand words and I'll meet my goals. That's much more reassuring than last month on the 30th thinking about having to write almost 10k in a day. 

I'm at 660,000 right now, well past the half way point, with 700,000 in my sights. Which is really exciting. I'm already scouring the internet for the uber fancy wine I'm going to drink when I hit one million. Is that counting my chickens before they hatch? Technically. But dammit, I'm excited. Six months ago I didn't have any kind of plan whatsoever. I had a few spreadsheets where I had been monitoring my writing progress for no real reason. 

And now? Goals! Like a grown up! Granted, these goals are totally arbitrary and the only thing I'm gaining from them is most likely the wine I get to drink at the end. But STILL! I like to think that after one million words my writing will have improved, after all, that was the original idea. But even if it hasn't, and I'm still just an incredible hack. Dammit. I will have accomplished something! That's totally rad! 

In my feeble little world it is anyway. 

And that's where I'm at. I still haven't gotten back on track for updating things that I should be. But I'm not overly concerned about it. Breaks are healthy. Even if you end up doing the same thing you do when you're not on a break...

Oh May

May did not go as planned. Things were looking really quite solid, and then I had several crap days in a row where I did some writing, but not nearly enough. And then those crap days were followed by crap 'working' days. In which I sat down, said 'listen here toots. Your gonna get those words down, and you're going to get a lot of them.'

Aaaand even those days, despite my best efforts, were pretty mediocre. So in conclusion, I finished my first month actually behind my word goals. Which, despite being plenty ahead in the overall scheme, was incredibly disappointing. I felt like a failure. I sat at my computer the last day, still convinced I could get those nine thousand words I needed to catch up.

I did not. 

Lame. Lame lame lame. 

Jerk Jiminy has lost his magic. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Blame the figurine on my desk with the paper eyebrows. It's only fair. 

I have been working (not writing, the bill paying kind of work) substantially more than I was before, so I could say that's an excuse. But really, there's plenty of time that I knew I could have been writing, and instead I'd have the laptop out and feel kind of uninspired and just turn the TV on. Sure, I got some words down, which is more than I would have had I not had the laptop out at all. But in all likelihood, if I had just ignored the urge of the boob tube, and the infinitely more dangerous internet (Dun dun DUUUUUN!). I probably would have gotten more words down. 

That being said, things are still getting done. I'm about to wrap up my 'Starlight' fic, which will be a huge relief, because well, currently, I'm working consistently on three stories (four if you count the attention I've been giving my Fallout story. I've updated one chapter in 5 months. So, no, I haven't been counting it).

It's been my cheat way to keep myself writing so far. You don't feel like writing in that particular story today? Okay, no problem. But you've got two others you can be working on, so don't think you can waste your whole day on video games (which sometimes I do anyway), now get cracking!

But it is a challenge, because I feel my brain being stretched out like a long noodle. I start to see patterns that I'm not sure if they're just themes I'm working with, or if they're things I've accidentally been copying from one story to the other. Are all of my characters blending until they're each and every one of them a carbon copy of the other? These are the fears that keep me up at night (that's a lie. Lol cats keep me up at night. Mostly because I'm on the internet browsing them. Serious. Internet = Crack. Also cracked.com = crack)

So it will be nice to get back to a smaller number of projects. For a few weeks at least. I have a friend who says she wants to get serious about the writing thing, and would like to collaborate on something. I'm having a fabulous time with my current co-writing project, so that's already a positive. But this in person collaboration may involve drinking. And what can I say, that sounds pretty awesome.

It also may involve werewolves. I don't know how I feel about that. Mostly because I never got into werewolves. So, that could be interesting. 

I also have my novel that has been sitting on my desk, glaring at me. For a good six or so months. Hey buddy, no, I haven't forgotten you. But I remembered what a flawed creature you are when I started to read you, and really, the writing part was the fun bit. Editing? Not so much. So I'll just let you simmer there for a while. You know. Longer. So then I can feel even more guilty.

I have officially crossed the 600,000 word mark! Woohoo!!

That's enough celebration. Remember, I'm supposed to be drowning in my oppressive guilt. All the time. 

Also, a couple of my reviewers figured out who I was aiming to describe with my 'new' character, and it pleased me to no end. I didn't want to come out and say THIS IS WHO YOU SHOULD BE PICTURING. ARE YOU PICTURING THEM NOW? GOOD. Because that feels a bit...obnoxious. Even though it was really really tempting to do so.

But it is always nice to know that some people are on the same page as me or that people are watching way too much damn British television, like myself or maybe I'm getting better at descriptions?

As to the others, more power to them. I think I might not address it anyway, because I always hate it when the movies ruin the image of the people I've built up in my head after reading a book. I don't think I can even remember what I used to think the Harry Potter folk looked like. I feel like I saw the first movie, and the only one I thought was suitable was Hermione (the only one who's name I had slaughtered in my head. Well, okay, and I read Sirius wrong for a long while too. You know names, you just kind of...breeze past them. No? Just me then? Alright) But at this point, those movie folk are so ingrained in my head, it's impossible for me to think of them as anyone else.

So I'd kind of hate to be that person who then came in after the fact to smash all those imagined characters. 

Additionally, and on a completely different train of thought. I love my typewriter. I don't use it all that often, but when I get the hankering. Jesus, nothing else is quite like it. I feel like I'm god damn Hemingway and I should have a flask of booze and a cigarette hanging out of my mouth.

Fortunately, I don't need either of those things to actually exist for me to feel that way. I just feel like a mega bad ass.

That's not to say I would bludgeon someone to death if they tried to take away my computer. But I'd probably bludgeon them with something other than the typewriter.

More projects that should be increasing my word count!

So me and my internet twin, Sarbrook, have finally moved forward on our new Doctor Who project! It's officially posted!

The Hollow Man

I can already tell you're excited. We've finally pushed through the last of the edits, and phew, I had forgotten how tiring editing large chunks of text were. We went back and forth a couple of times, and I realized on my third time through, that I had really run out of steam at the end and missed things, so I tried extra hard to be diligent. 

It's funny to see what you miss when you're only editing yourself, even if you're looking extra careful. I had left behind a random mime comment (that didn't make sense without the stuff I had cut) I had forgotten the Doctor wasn't wearing shoes. Fresh set of eyes are always good.

Also, I learned a new grammar rule! It was somewhat embarrassing that I didn't know it, similar to the time that I heard about the fifth ocean and was like...what? (shut up, they only officially declared the Southern Ocean real in the year 2000 and I was completely past the learning oceans and continents part of my life at that point)

So, to sum up. Co-writing has been incredibly beneficial to me.

And yet, I'm still tragically behind on my word count. I think I have to get out like 20,000 words in the next couple days to make my month. It's not impossible, it's just...ugh. It seems impossible right now. But if I manage that, than I've made it to the 600,000 mark. So maybe I should do it, just for small rewards sake.

Also, there's a 'nerd' bar crawl coming up. And I sort of just bought this. 

Which sort of means I have to add a bow tie, a jacket of some sort, and possibly a fez. Right? RIGHT??? I have converse, but that's mixing the Doctors. is that okay?? What are the answers to these questions!!

Okay, so it's not halloween. But, it is a nerdy bar crawl. And nothing screams nerdy like Doctor Who.

I need to make this happen. 

So much for making that word count. 

Never mind, I found the Doctor's boots. $800 isn't too much for one night of drinking...right?

Yeah, I'll skip these. For now. 

Although I'm finding things similar more reasonably priced....God damn the internet is a dangerous place.

I thought this was just wonderful.

Letters of Note: It will be sunny one day

Keep on keeping on

Some weeks it's just like ripping off a band aid. But instead of doing it the way everyone tells me to, and just getting it over with quick, I'm peeling it slow so I can feel the painful tug of every little translucent hair as it yanks on my skin.

I blame my own special brand of procrastination. The one where everything other than writing seems like a good idea. (Portal 2 was totally worth it though) I did finally pull myself up by the teeth and finish April above my word count. By two thousand words, which is kind of hilarious when compared to previous months of beating it by about thirty thousand.

I was ahead this month, until the 13th, and then I dropped, and dropped, and then I rallied and I was so close to catching up, and then I dropped again. I've only had the one day of absolutely zero words, which is actually around the same time in April that I had three in a row. So maybe that's progress? Granted, there are days when I write 300 and that's, well...really nothing at all, so I could almost count that as a zero. But the fact remains that I did sit down and make some effort to write, so my inner cheerleader tells me I have to count even the baby steps. 

I'm at 569 and change, so still at the half way point. It's funny how much slower it seems to go when you don't write a hundred thousand words in a month. :P Oh the horror. 

I am still enjoying the writing when I do actually get into the rhythm. Still interested in my characters and plot. I am juggling three now, instead of just two, so the updates on chapters is slowing down, but I kind of expected that. 

Really, I wish I were craftier, and I would just hold on to updates, even when I'm getting them done quickly, and put them out once a week, so it wouldn't seem like such a long wait when I put out two in a week, and then wait another week and a half to get another one out. But I'm not patient at all, so that well crafted plan goes completely out the window every time I'm done proof reading a chapter.

Should I wait? I could wait. If I wait it'll...naw screw it. Posted.

Story of my life.

I missed the solar eclipse because it was cloudy. So that was an utter disappointment. It wasn't going to be 'total' (or ring of fire anyway)in my neck of the woods, but it was going to be impressively close, which would have been plenty good enough for me. I guess that's just mother nature sparing me the oracular damage that I was probably going to receive if the clouds haven't been there. 

"Don't look at the eclipse!" "Don't look at the sun!" "view it through a pinhole camera!"

Pfft. Please. The fastest way to get me to do something is to tell me not to do it.(note to self. Don't write) Plus, epic alignment of moon and sun? You bet your boots I'll snatch a look. I like to think I'll save my permanent blindness for a full eclipse, because that'll be totally worth it. But again, there's my serious lack of patience to consider, and if the clouds hadn't been there, I probably would have pondered the likelihood of me actually getting to see a total eclipse and then saying "Screw it, I'm looking while I have the chance."

I tend to say 'screw it' a lot when it's something I know I shouldn't be doing, but have no real valid reason that I want to. I should probably get that looked at.

And if you haven't seen this. Well, you should.

Further signs of insanity

So, I went from listening to the Silent Hill soundtracks to flat out Halloween effects cds. You know, favorite tracks like. Eerie sound scape Music Bed. Or, a classic. Spooky forest sound effect.

For the record, I'm not writing anything scary.

Seriously, the things that are wrong with me.  The list is too long to properly get in to.

I just read volume 1 of American Vampire. Looooooved it. Then immediately put volume 2, 3, and pre-ordered 4 in my cart. Then realized that I shouldn't just impulsively buy things for fun. I need things like new sneakers, and food. 

So I started rereading sandman again, because I do own all of those. (in a similarly staged impulsive decision of MUST HAVE ALL THE THINGS)

But that screen with those items in my shopping cart is still open on my computer...

Still waiting...

And then there's the walking dead compendium that I resisted purchasing....

God dammit. Internet shopping is dangerous. Really, really dangerous.

I did catch up on my writing goal yesterday, so that I was officially on track for April. Haven't managed it yet today. Humph. We'll see.

Halfway!

So I have officially made it to the halfway mark! Actually, I probably did that a few days ago, week ago? I have no idea. Instead of using my spreadsheet I was writing numbers down on, drum roll please....POST ITS.

Yeah. I don't know what my problem is either.

Regardless, I have gotten everything transferred over to the excel and the post-it is back in the trash... Until I start using a new one. Maybe I should just hide all of my post its. But that would be admitting I have a problem, which I'm refusing to do. They're so quaint! And handy! Isn't that marvelous?

The good news is that I made it halfway. The bad news? Holy mother of god, April is a train wreck. Not just a 'someone left a cow on the rail and it shattered, raining down cow guts on everyone nearby' 

No.

This is 'someone left a tank on the rails. The tank moved a foot, but the train, and all the cars behind it, piled up into a zigzag shape of doom and then turned into a ball of fire. Raining destruction, and cow guts (from car 11) down on everyone within the county.'

Yeah. That's the kind of train wreck I'm talking about. The serious business kind.

 Exhibit A: Where you see the slow and steady blue of what I'm supposed to be doing. And then compare it with the red jagged line of failure that I'm actually doing. Hmm..

Disappointing sums it up pretty good. 

I haven't actually been doing nothing. I mean, I'm making progress on notes for that collaboration that I'm still pumped about and is looking more and more awesome. I learned that I was capable of fleshing out an outline, which was kind of exciting. It was more work than I was really happy about, but I did do it, and I feel like it's a useful skill set, even if I just scowl the next time I think about doing one.

I also wrote a crap ton of letters.

Well. Four. But still. For someone who only communicates via facebook or text most of the time, I feel like it's a crap ton. Real paper, stamps. The whole business. 

Wanted to have those count toward my word totals for the month, just because it looks so abysmal. And yet, if I was counting all the rambling I do on a regular basis... I feel like I would have already hit the million. Possibly twice. So I didn't. Bummer.

I also printed off my whole novel (sorry trees) because I've left it since December so I feel like I can look at it with fresh eyes. 

Unfortunately, that means that the epic winding together of two tales is registering as... not very epic, and more...maybe not quite annoying, But something very similar. It's looking like it needs to be two separate stories. Which bums me out. Because, I mean, what if no one wants to hear about the first story? Then what? I guess I polish up the second one anyway. Because I still want to tell them both. 

Ah well. 

I also found out fewer people knew about Neil Gaiman than I thought. Which is weird in my head. It's like hearing about someone not knowing who Stephen King is. In my head, anyway.

And then I realized that Mr. Gaiman's bibliography of adult fiction books totals six (of which I've read 3). Where Mr. King's totals....Jesus christ man. Wikipedia says 49 (of which I've read maybe 6?)

Jesus. Christ. 

Anyway. Apparently, they're not the same, or even in the same league(numbers wise. I'm not making any kind of talent argument here) But I've just been living under the illusion that they were. 

Because, completely unbeknownst to me, I've been harboring this secret author fangirl-ism.

Possibly because of Sandman? I don't know. It's hard to tell what I like and why I like it. Especially when it's been a secret in my own head.

Speaking of creepy spooky things. Well, we weren't really. But in my head. Well, you know how things connect in random spiderweb like patterns of nonsense in my head.

Anyway. 

Been listening to a bunch of Silent Hill soundtracks. The vocal songs, are pretty sappy. But the pure instrumental? Boy. Unsettling. I don't know that it's helping my writing any, but it's creepy and delightful. So I got that going for me.

On to redeeming my entire month of April in the next four days! Huzzah!

Perfection!

Bahahahaha. Saw this at work. Couldn't resist.

The cranky eyebrows are false. 

I present! Jerk Jiminy Cricket!

A real update. What?

Yeah! No really! On that whole 'goal for the million!' thing.  You know, the reason I made this blog? It's also on the title, and in the info. 

So, yeah. 

But this time it's not just me rambling!

Okay, there's going to be me rambling. That was a given. But I do have progress to mention!

I'm at 488,807 words as of today! Wohoo! Almost halfway there folks! 

March was a really productive month, I ended up beating both my more realistic goal that spread the task out over 15 or so months, and the goal that has to be finished over 12 months. So I was feeling pretty awesome about that.

April? April is a god damn train wreck. The excel graph is hideous, it's a bunch of zig zag lines that mostly are flying beneath where they need to be. I'm not sure if four months of serious writing has made me retarded or what, but it's been a real struggle. However, I am back on track, at least until tomorrow. So I'm enjoying my time floating above the bare minimum line. For now. I work all night, and there's a wedding tomorrow. So I might end up totally screwed and back in the red.

Bah. Boo April. Boo.

So yeah. There's a real proper update. Aren't you pleased?

Now onto what I'm actually excited about.

Collaborating on a DW story! I've been trying to convince my ff.net buddy for AGES to get into DW so we could write a story together, and she's been trying for ages to get me into Supernatural...even though she doesn't write Supernatural fic. I think she's just trying to trick me into watching the show. 

Regardless! 

The opportunity has presented itself with my new internet bestie to co-write (I see you you stalker) and I'm irrationally  super excited about it. 

Which is crazy. 

Especially since I know that working with people is hard. Maybe you have some ideas that you love, and bleed and sweat over, and your co-pilot says. "Meh. I've heard better." Or maybe they have thoughts that they bring up and you're not really on the same page so you send a tactful email suggesting that no, maybe unicorns shouldn't have pink manes. In fact, maybe including unicorns is a bit...excessive. (I'm totally down with unicorns by the way.) 

And then after days and days of being super excessively polite to the point that you finally go crazy, and one more suggestions of magical rainbows and GOD DAMMIT. LET'S THROW DOWN!

So you have to have a fist fight, a scuffle, and possibly some dancers in the background choreographing around your confrontation in a precise way.

Granted, none of this has happened (yet) and maybe we're both capable of being adults for the whole thing (hahahahahaha. At least on my end anyway) and we'll both manage to make our way to the end of it respecting each other and our ideas, and it'll come out super awesome.

To be fair, it is going to be wicked fantastic even if we do end up bleeding a little over it, because we're both awesome.

And on top of getting excited about collaborating on a project with someone, it's just a lot of fun to brainstorm new and different ideas. 

Not because I don't love my current stories, but because it's always easier to get started with crazy bouts of inspiration, coming up with all kinds of random wild and crazy scenes in your head that you get super pumped about.

But it's much harder to then sit down and make them happen. Harder still when you have someone else that you have to come to an agreement on things with. So it remains to be seen if I suddenly have very serious regrets about this endeavor once the real work starts.

I tried to find a gif of Gob saying "I've made a huge mistake." But in addition to not finding one I really liked, I also have no idea if any of you are AD fans. So there's that.

Anyway.

LET'S DO THIS!

Writing is slightly less blah.

Back on writing track! Sort of. Actually. Not as on track as I should be. But I'm glaring at the computer less, so that's fun. For both me and the computer. Takes everything so personally. 

I'd like to take a moment to mention that cats are incredibly detrimental to writing. Since I scooted closer to the desk, thusly removing my lap as a place for her to relax and look generally cute, she decided it was important to drape her ass over my keyboard. Which is a bit excessive, I think. 

Anyway. Writing. I actually have no idea where I am for this month. Well, that's a lie. I do know I'm terribly far behind, because I haven't updated my little excel spreadsheet. I have written down my numbers on a post it (see previous posts for issues regarding post its and their excessive use) which just means I'll be losing it at some point in the near future. Still, I see the numbers on the post it, and they're not good. As in, one day I have '28' and '71'. The number of words I wrote on that day on two different stories. Yes. Really. 28. That's all I managed. That is less than a hundred words in a day combined. And it's not even like I really sweated it out to get those hundred words. Those hundred words aren't spun out of gold, I'm no eloquent wordsmith, and we all know already that the first draft I just kind of slap down on the page. So basically, I just threw down some words in one breath, and then decided I couldn't be arsed to do anything useful for the rest of the day.

Guh.

However. I have still been making some progress. And even in my non helpful days, I have been doing a lot of reading, which I can hope improves my own writing. I did finally read the Hunger Games in its entirety. And I gotta say, third book was pretty lame. I liked a lot of the plot points, just kind of wished maybe someone else had written it. Or maybe wish the author would have read all three of her books together and been like....wait. This one sucks! needs work. (see how I was more tactful there? You're welcome Collins)

It didn't really suck. It was just a pretty substantial let down from the first two. Where as those compelled me to keep reading, the last one would have convinced me to stop. Good thing there isn't a fourth. Cause it would have been ignored.

And then along with that, I've been reading more fanfic! Which is a fun guilty pleasure, and I've actually been reviewing again! So that makes me feel like I'm all special and a good Samaritan* mostly because I've set the bar bar? what bar, I have no standards pretty low. So anything makes me feel like that. Wrapper on the ground? Pick it up! I'm awesome** Putting a dish in the dishwasher immediately instead of on the counter? Who is this miracle of wonder??? There's no asterisk there, that's just...about as egocentric as I can get, so I didn't feel the need to translate.

Also, to completely prove that I'm an uber weird stalker. Some twitter celebrity, who may or may not be related to Doctor Who, suggested The Wild Youth by Daughters, and on a whim I decided to listen. And oh god, it's LOVELY. I thought Home was my favorite favorite, because I liked it immediately. But then Love really grew on me. Not that the other songs aren't equally as nice and moody and melody-dramatic (not to be confused with melodramatic. Yes I'm making up words. Still applies.) but those two are the ones that I kind of obsessively restart from time to time so I can listen again. I'm sure the neighbors love me.

*Superman. I feel like superman. With a cape.

**I AM A GOLDEN GOD! ...AGAIN

Writing is the Blah.

Stupid stupid. STUPID writing.

Smash face into keyboard.

Repeat.

It's funny, I'm not really plot stuck. I know where I'm going. I even have specific scenes in my head. Ready to go. 

Instead my block is based on the internal voice (that pesky little hateful bugger I call Jiminy) that's just telling me I'm the worst writer on the planet, and I shouldn't write that. That's terrible! Who wants to read that crap? No one. That's who.

And then I respond in turn that I'm aware of that. But it doesn't matter because it's a first draft. All I need to do is get down the barest of minimums here. I can use the word 'said' 800 times if I want. Just get it down. The second draft is the easy one, the one where I actually get into the flow of things. I know that. 

But it's too hard today. All I need to do is vomit it out, and I know it'll be a thousand times easier. But I can't. It's a terrible idea! Everything will be rubbish! AUGH!

Some days, jerk Jiminy cricket is just the worst.

Of course, it's not really all that bad. Or dramatic. It's more, I sit down, I start to type. Stop. Delete. Type some more. Stop. Wash the dishes. Stare at the screen some more. Start to wonder when it got so hard to do everything. Decide to blog about it to delay impending doom of failure.

I figure writing is writing. If my fingers get used to typing, they'll just go about their business, no matter which screen I'm on. They won't even notice the blog has stopped, and I'm trying to do srs bzns work now. 

That's my hope anyway.

I dyed my hair blue! Well. Just the tips. But it's pretty awesome. So I've got that going for me. And it's different shades too, which I realize probably just means that we didn't do a good job bleaching in the first place, but I still think it looks nifty. And, it should still tuck away in a bun, so the boss people's don't give me a sharp look. Huzzah for blending!

Also. I think John Simm is super swell. I really do. But man. Writing him as the Master. And then going to watch him on 'Life on Mars' for some mild inspiration? Man. Don't DO IT. I had to watch him murder the crap out of Rassilon six times on youtube before I could erase the image of him hugging a television set and crying. While he begged the man on the screen not to leave him.

Jesus. 

Acting chops? Yes. Absolutely. 

Lacking that sexy blond hair and stubble, and a little bit of his psychotic murdering bad-ass self? Completely. 

I'm going to wait till I'm done with this fic before I try watching that show again. I just...I just can't.

  This is a hard no. 

This is a very hard yes.

Is that a pimp cane? Because he looks like a pimp. 

I did want to mention that these are things I randomly found on google. Not things that I made.

 

Temporary insanity...?

I um. Can't stop listening to this song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&list=PLCA58A7E3E967A9DE&v=B_65PioV_Ow

I wish I could explain it. But...

I can't. I really can't. 

I didn't even play Mortal Kombat as a kid. 

I'd like to tell you it's helping my flow of writing, sometimes intense songs get me all pumped up to do some serious key-stroking (that sounds inappropriate, but maybe* I just have a gutter filled mind.) But it's not really. It's not super distracting, but I am randomly starting to dance at my desk, which makes the whole 'typing' thing a bit more challenging. 

I'm hoping I get this out of my system. Relatively soon.

Anyway, got some really nice feedback from new reviewers recently. Which was exciting.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore my regular readers and reviewers, they seriously keep me going. And they definitely bring a smile to my face. But I always start to have those crawling doubts when they're the only ones I hear from. Jerk-like Jiminy Cricket sits on my shoulder and laughs, telling me "These are the only people you'll ever get as an audience. Ever. Sucker."

 

So that's why it's nice to see new people pop up and actually say something.(because jerk Jiminy Cricket has to shut his pie hole. Or grass hole. Aphid hole? What the hell to crickets eat?) The story alerts or favorites are certainly nice, but it's hard for me(and Jiminy) to justify if they really liked it or not. Even I'll do that on something that I just want to get around to reading at some point because it's easier to keep track of that way. 

But feedback! Real live feedback! That's my bread and butter. And the bane of Jiminy's existence. (along with a sturdy flyswatter, or shoe)

Of course, it's hard to remain level headed** when you get one of those fluffy nice reviews. There's that big smile, the warm fuzzies. It's really incredibly a little pathetic. No, it doesn't improve me as a writer, no, it doesn't let me know what I could be doing better.

But did I pump my fist in the air and do a little dork dance?

You betcha.

It also reminds me that I should be better about my reviewing. Because I can make all the excuses in the world about how busy I am with my own procrastinating writing, or how I want to really take the time and give a thoughtful review. But the fact is, I don't do it nearly enough. Which is really shameful, because I know exactly how rewarding and helpful those can be.

There. We started with Mortal Kombat. That, yes, is still playing in the background. And we came around to why I'm a lazy sack of crap who should be shot I should write more reviews.

That's some kind of oblongish, rectangular...full circle. Right?

*Maybe: roughly translated to "There's no 'maybe' about it I totally do. 'Maybe' was just me optimistically hoping I wouldn't have to admit it."

**Level headed: I AM A GOLDEN GOD! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Quotes are Super!

"I could claim any number of high-flown reasons for writing, just as you can explain certain dogs' behavior... But maybe, it's that they're dogs, and that's what dogs do." —Amy Hempel

 I love that quote to bits. It just gives me hope whenever I'm feeling all mopey and doubtful about my own reasons for writing.

I write because I'm a writer! Because I'd explode if I didn't!

Granted, there are plenty of people out there who have...you know. Real reasons for writing. I'm glad for them. And that's not to say I don't have reasons. Or, real reasons, as it were. It's just nice to know there's a fallback. I write because I love writing. And that's grrrrrrreat. (Yes, I'm looking for a frosted flakes endorsement. Please call me, Tony.)

Sometimes I get a little stressed out because I keep thinking about what the end game is. Am I going to be successful? Am I even going to try? (why yes, that is a first draft sitting on your desk, you ever going to edit that sucker and get it out into the world? Coward) Because everything always seems like it needs to be for a purpose. And if it isn't, it has no value.

Which is putting waaaaay more stress on my writing than is necessary.

It also drives me nuts when people ask me what I'm writing. Mostly because I'm such an antisocial hack and I hate talking to people. But, also, because they're never just happy with 'Oh, just a story' or 'A story about Frankenstein as a preteen'. They always ask 'what for?' 'A journal, a novel? Are you working on a paper?' I always feel like I have to justify what I'm doing. And I really don't.

They think it has to be a part of something, I don't know, because people still associate writing with school? Maybe they didn't enjoy it? Hell, I didn't enjoy school writing, but that's just because if you make stuff up, it's frowned upon. Unless you're really really good at it. What? You didn't know Benjamin Franklin posed nude for the French Court in the 18th century? That dude was stacked. Look it up, it's on Wikipedia.

Well, it's not now, but it will be when I edit that sucker in there.

Some people play golf (I'm incapable of golfing). Or angry birds(actually, I suck at this game too). I write! (it's still questionable where my skill level is there. Slightly higher than golf...)

I write because it's fun. No, seriously. Stop looking at me like that.

And while this quote goes completely against my whole 'It doesn't matter if you're successful as long as your happy' since it implies the need to be paid. It still amuses me.

"If you're going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you're going to be locked up." —Hunter S. Thompson

Updates Galore!

boo-yah.

That's right, updating. On a consistent basis.  Who da man? I don't care if the Doctor doesn't like it, I'm keeping that phrase. 

A couple of things. I'm still avoiding updating the story that I should be. But I've written almost four chapters after the part I'm stuck on. So once I do finally get around to jumping that enormous insurmountable reasonably sized brick wall, I should have it pretty easy for a while. Unless I completely change my mind. Which is exactly what happened earlier. And why I am now stuck in said location of the story. Drat it.

I've made it my official goal today to at the very least to get a draft done. Do it the ole nanowrimo way. Just write.

Which is why I immediately decided to update my blog. Funny how that whole procrastination bit works. Funny in a distinctly non-haha way.

I have noticed I have a serious problem with post it notes. They're everywhere. On my desk, on my wall, in a halo pattern around my computer screen.

It's insanity.

Instead of having any kind of organization for my thoughts, I just write notes down, and then stick them against the wall somewhere. I have piles that are sort of related, but not always. It's a real tragedy, especially since I've been using scrivener to write and it has a place that you can jot down random notes. Actually, it has several places. And I love it to bits. And yet, here I am. With my lifetime lump of multicolored notes. Ridiculous. Serves me right for loading up when Target put a stack of them on clearance. Oh Target. You get me every time.

I'm also under the impression that the people who read my stories are way more clever than me. Making all sorts of connections that had just never occurred to me. I'm not one of the people who figured out the 6th sense five minutes into the film. So yeah. You're all way ahead of the curve on me there. Hopefully I can still stumble ass backwards into connections that will keep people entertained. And if not? Well, I imagine that's why fanfiction was invented :D

Here I go. I'm really going to work on it. I swear....

Testing testing.

So, I don't have the patience to look up the color I want every time, so I'm trying their post template saver to see if it'll work. Otherwise my blog is going straight back to default and there's going to be lots of white backgrounds, because lord, I shouldn't be wasting my time on html. I'm waaaay out of my league.

Fingers crossed!

Edit: Success! Halloween ALL DAY EVERY DAY! Or the pretty lights in the background. Whichever. 

Thy name is Deadbeat.

Oh, hey! Look, an actual post on the actual day I'm writing it.

Really, I'm going to try and get into this blogging business. Mostly because I have so much going on in my head that if I don't start writing some of it out, it's going to make me crazy.

I had another blog, which I super infrequently (maybe four times) updated. But I decided I like blogger. Blogger doesn't make me feel like I should be important to blog. Tumblr makes me feel like I should be saying something...useful. Or frequently posting. I don't know. I just can't handle the pressure and eventually succumb to my inner madness which just leads me to not post at all.

So here I am. Hoping to improve the odds.

I'm at 393,000 words. So things are going pretty kick ass on that front. Yes, I am still spending too much time looking at excel sheets. But they're so damn...distracting!

Just because I'm making word progress doesn't necessarily count as progress in my book though. I have two Doctor Who fics going right now. Both similar to each other, in the fact that they're going to end up with an original character hooking up with a canon character (I know that makes me the worst kind of fanfic writer in the world, but oh well. I can't help it!) But one is all third person, and the other one, which I'm getting more and more sucked into, switches between third and first.

First person is something I had never tried before, and I have to say, it's really addicting. It's probably because I'm giving her so much of my own voice it feels like a rambling dialogue that might come out of my own head. Which is completely self indulgent. But hey. I'm not a writing saint by any means.

But in addition to that, I'm also finding myself more and more interested into delving into why the Master is the way he is. I went into this fiction just thinking, "The Master's a total bad guy, because he is. Or because he's crazy. Whatever. But I like him as a character...because John Simm is hot... so let's make that happen."

I know, some real inspirational work there.

I can't help that all of my ideas don't actually stem from anything poetical, or...you know. Impressive.

Anyway. So now, instead of writing a chapter for one. And then moseying back to the other story to write a chapter there. I sort of, wrote a chapter, and another, and then more drafts, and a broader outline. All of them on the one story.

I did get back to my other story. But well, now I'm writing a few chapters further along than what I should be working on.

I think it's just because I decided that I would put some 'episodes' in from the show, and I convinced myself it would be easy to totally destroy them, because, hey, I'm making things up. But my inner editor is fighting me every step of the way. Yes, yes. I know that's not what happened, but remember when you gave yourself artistic license to change it? You knew it was going to be different, why are you all of the sudden distraught about it?!?

So yeah. I feel a bit stuck. And it's easy to just go back to the writing that I'm enjoying right now(until I hit a tremendous brick wall there as well). Of course, that's the lazy way to go about things. What a coincidence that I'm suuuuuper lazy!

I'll get there. It just seems more fun to whine about it and not push through it. For now, until grown up writer shows up and kicks my ass into gear.

Hey, maybe you'll get to hear about that when I update in the next week? Or, possibly. A year from now. It's always hard to tell with me.

Week one! …and a half.

Originally posted: February...at some point.

Progress!

Not as apparent on the blog front. I swear I’ve been keeping to my daily journal updates, just not so much… on the internet front.

I’ve been making fairly good progress, word count wise. Of course, I spent much of my time making excel spreadsheets showing said progress. Which by any means, is…you know, time I could spend writing. (Lord knows I have plenty of time) But whatever. It’s nice to see which days I did awesome (a really long line between two dates) and which days were more of…a struggle. (little short lines between two dates) If I could just get some sort of auto-smiley or frown function, I’d probably encourage myself to spend more time writing, less time charting. But ah well, I’m a weirdo and we all have our ticks. I hope…
But my excel gives me totally pointless valuable insight into where I’m at in the grand scheme of things. Such as, January, I beat my goal by seven thousand words! And this month I’m on track to beat my goal by about five.
So it’s going swimmingly! Despite the 15 minutes a day I spend analyzing graphs.

Official word count right now is 274,330. I see you three-hundred!

Also, I just recently read The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern and it was LOVELY! It’s exactly the kind of poetic writing (you know, the wonderful kind, not the ‘I’m a writer, look at all the words I know’ kind) that I would never be capable of. But it’s okay, because it is so COMPLETELY inspiring. For one, if I ever become some kind of freaky eccentric (why would you ever want to be another kind?) millionaire the first thing I’m doing is FUNDING a night circus.

You know, if Disney doesn’t get there first.(That sounds cynical, but I bet with the right team, it would be TREMENDOUS!)

But it also inspires me to create complex and beautiful worlds! And while I know that I’ll never get to the point where I can verbally paint those worlds, if I can create them in my mind, I have more hope that I can at least convey some of their wonder with my own (un-poetic) words.

So seriously. Night Circus. Be there.

Trust me. I’m the writer.

Originally posted: January 1st...ish?

Oh man. Okay, blogs. I can do this.

No, I can’t that’s an utter lie. This is just a blog to chronicle my attempts to get to one million words of writing this year. Because apparently, that’s when you become proficient at it. You know, according to some study someone did with a college degree. And a guy who wrote a book. And then those other people who write books who say the first million is complete crap. And there’s a 10,000 hour rule in there somewhere.

There’s a lot going on there. I briefly glanced at the Wikipedia.

It seems like a frightening number, but to help it seem less frightening, I made a handy little thermometer word count tracker for my wall. You know, like a fundraiser. Except instead of making one million dollars, I’m just writing one million words. Huh, boy that cool million would be real handy. Maybe it’s time to make a second thermometer…

anyway.

Oh, I’m a huge geek too. So in addition to randomly making as many Dr Who references I can, for no real reason. I’m also including Who fan-fiction in my writing! (well, and any other fan-fiction I write. I’m not limited in my geekiness.)

I know, I’m a crap person. Fan-fiction isn’t real writing, it’s dreck, you’re a fool! You’re wasting your time.

I get it. Your opinion has been voiced. Now shut up.

Look, it’s my one million goal, and I’m doing it the way I want. Nanowrimo says you can consider 50,000 words a novel. Do I think I have twenty original novels in me in a year? Jesus christ, I hope not, my head might god damn explode if I did. Do I think I have a few novels and a few ideas that can be applied to other universes? Sure. Otherwise this would be a pretty big waste of my time.

So here I am. Starting up on my goal of insanity one million words for the end of the year.

Allons-y!

I told you I’m a dork.