Oh May

May did not go as planned. Things were looking really quite solid, and then I had several crap days in a row where I did some writing, but not nearly enough. And then those crap days were followed by crap 'working' days. In which I sat down, said 'listen here toots. Your gonna get those words down, and you're going to get a lot of them.'

Aaaand even those days, despite my best efforts, were pretty mediocre. So in conclusion, I finished my first month actually behind my word goals. Which, despite being plenty ahead in the overall scheme, was incredibly disappointing. I felt like a failure. I sat at my computer the last day, still convinced I could get those nine thousand words I needed to catch up.

I did not. 

Lame. Lame lame lame. 

Jerk Jiminy has lost his magic. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Blame the figurine on my desk with the paper eyebrows. It's only fair. 

I have been working (not writing, the bill paying kind of work) substantially more than I was before, so I could say that's an excuse. But really, there's plenty of time that I knew I could have been writing, and instead I'd have the laptop out and feel kind of uninspired and just turn the TV on. Sure, I got some words down, which is more than I would have had I not had the laptop out at all. But in all likelihood, if I had just ignored the urge of the boob tube, and the infinitely more dangerous internet (Dun dun DUUUUUN!). I probably would have gotten more words down. 

That being said, things are still getting done. I'm about to wrap up my 'Starlight' fic, which will be a huge relief, because well, currently, I'm working consistently on three stories (four if you count the attention I've been giving my Fallout story. I've updated one chapter in 5 months. So, no, I haven't been counting it).

It's been my cheat way to keep myself writing so far. You don't feel like writing in that particular story today? Okay, no problem. But you've got two others you can be working on, so don't think you can waste your whole day on video games (which sometimes I do anyway), now get cracking!

But it is a challenge, because I feel my brain being stretched out like a long noodle. I start to see patterns that I'm not sure if they're just themes I'm working with, or if they're things I've accidentally been copying from one story to the other. Are all of my characters blending until they're each and every one of them a carbon copy of the other? These are the fears that keep me up at night (that's a lie. Lol cats keep me up at night. Mostly because I'm on the internet browsing them. Serious. Internet = Crack. Also cracked.com = crack)

So it will be nice to get back to a smaller number of projects. For a few weeks at least. I have a friend who says she wants to get serious about the writing thing, and would like to collaborate on something. I'm having a fabulous time with my current co-writing project, so that's already a positive. But this in person collaboration may involve drinking. And what can I say, that sounds pretty awesome.

It also may involve werewolves. I don't know how I feel about that. Mostly because I never got into werewolves. So, that could be interesting. 

I also have my novel that has been sitting on my desk, glaring at me. For a good six or so months. Hey buddy, no, I haven't forgotten you. But I remembered what a flawed creature you are when I started to read you, and really, the writing part was the fun bit. Editing? Not so much. So I'll just let you simmer there for a while. You know. Longer. So then I can feel even more guilty.

I have officially crossed the 600,000 word mark! Woohoo!!

That's enough celebration. Remember, I'm supposed to be drowning in my oppressive guilt. All the time. 

Also, a couple of my reviewers figured out who I was aiming to describe with my 'new' character, and it pleased me to no end. I didn't want to come out and say THIS IS WHO YOU SHOULD BE PICTURING. ARE YOU PICTURING THEM NOW? GOOD. Because that feels a bit...obnoxious. Even though it was really really tempting to do so.

But it is always nice to know that some people are on the same page as me or that people are watching way too much damn British television, like myself or maybe I'm getting better at descriptions?

As to the others, more power to them. I think I might not address it anyway, because I always hate it when the movies ruin the image of the people I've built up in my head after reading a book. I don't think I can even remember what I used to think the Harry Potter folk looked like. I feel like I saw the first movie, and the only one I thought was suitable was Hermione (the only one who's name I had slaughtered in my head. Well, okay, and I read Sirius wrong for a long while too. You know names, you just kind of...breeze past them. No? Just me then? Alright) But at this point, those movie folk are so ingrained in my head, it's impossible for me to think of them as anyone else.

So I'd kind of hate to be that person who then came in after the fact to smash all those imagined characters. 

Additionally, and on a completely different train of thought. I love my typewriter. I don't use it all that often, but when I get the hankering. Jesus, nothing else is quite like it. I feel like I'm god damn Hemingway and I should have a flask of booze and a cigarette hanging out of my mouth.

Fortunately, I don't need either of those things to actually exist for me to feel that way. I just feel like a mega bad ass.

That's not to say I would bludgeon someone to death if they tried to take away my computer. But I'd probably bludgeon them with something other than the typewriter.