I'm going to eat staples until something good happens

Okay. So, I have...fallen drastically off track.

Again. So that's pretty par for the course. And oh look- I haven't updated this fucker since 2012. Wow. Way to go.

Well. My writing has been crap in the productivity department. As you can likely see from my previous TWO YEAR OLD post. Anyway. It's been frustrating, because it's not really any particular obstacle in my way. Just myself, being miserable and cranky. It generally goes as follows.

Sit down to do the thing.

Check email.

Click bing 30 times to manipulate it into giving me free gift cards.

Check other email.

Open scrivener file.

Chew finger while reading last few sentences.

Get distracted by hangnail

Cut off hangnail 

Decide to check tumblr.

Get progressively lost there.

Go back to scrivener file.

Realize I have no music, go to music player

Research epic movie soundtracks for an hour

Download epic movie soundtracks

Listen to see if it has my approval

Check email again

Check job postings, since I really ought to be doing that

Open a few that I could sorta qualify for

Chicken out and refuse to send in application

Finally do some writing

Have to research signs of concussion, spend 15 minutes doing that

Check tumblr

Go get some water and M&Ms

Read four pages of a book I told myself I'd read three weeks ago

Look at scrivener file

Write vague notes about something that might happen at the end of hypothetical book 2

Text friend

Realize it's almost 11 and I should be a responsible person and go to sleep at reasonable time

Give myself the last 12 minutes before 11 to actually write

Mostly write, but also get distracted

IT'S. IN. SANE. I'm insane. I've completely fallen off the wagon. And I'm no where nearer my hopes and dreams of writing an actual polished and more importantly COMPLETE novel. 

But apparently I like spreadsheets. So god dammit. I'm going to make a spreadsheet. And I'm going to have that polished, tidy, and compleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeete manuscript by my 30th birthday. Which is exactly 395 days from now. 

Before I allowed myself to create the spreadsheet, I made myself write 500 words, so that was a minor victory. 

I've got a fake-ish outline of chapters, and using that to estimate that overall word count + 3 drafts, is going to equal about 200,000 words. It's a rough estimate, and I mean, it could be really rough. But at least it's something. Because apparently I'm incapable of being productive unless I have a fucking excel spreadsheet telling me what to do.

I even made it so it'll highlight days where I wrote over 550 words in green, and days under 500 in red. Green good. Red baaaaaaaaad. 

So help me, this better work, of I'm going to have a total mental meltdown in about 400 days. 

It's not going to be pretty.

Edit: PS I did write those damn million words. Here's your proof